January 8, 2015

A New Journey

The first dream I had when I was little of what I wanted to be when I “grew up” was to be a ballerina (I started ballet when I was two). After I was in my first musical when I was four years old, I decided I wanted to be on broadway instead. And soon after, I decided I wanted to be a singer and songwriter. I obviously decided to stick to my dream of being a singer. I haven’t been in a musical or a play in about six years because I have focused solely on writing and performing my own music, and I miss it.

*Pictured is me as Baby June in “Gypsy” from 2006*

So, I am going to start auditioning for small roles here and there and I have started taking classes again. I had my first group class last night and I am really excited, but I was nervous before going in because I had absolutely no idea what it was going to be like.

It was a little bit scary! You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of complete strangers and it is hard for me to be vulnerable even with people whom I am really close with and trust with my life. It was definitely a challenge. Once I realized that everyone was in the exact same boat, I let all of my reservations go and the presence of the other people didn’t matter anymore.

We did this whole relaxation technique and it was hard for me to relax. I know that I tend to be very calculated with my body movements and it is hard for me to be completely free with my body, but I eventually got the hang of it. I had to just take a leap and go all in (or at least try my best to go all in).

Once I took that leap and jumped off the cliff that held all of my worries, the exercises I was doing became so much easier- I was free. I can compare it to that moment when I am performing when I completely and totally lose myself. I get so into the moment of whatever song I am performing that I black out. I never remember how well I did or what exactly I did after I finish, I just know I did it. I bare my soul through using my voice and last night I was able to lose myself in a brand new way with acting, it was definitely an interesting feeling.

*Pictured is a photo from a performance in 2012*

There is such an interesting psychology behind that. I have read about how there are tons of different ways we can alter our state of mind without using alcohol or drugs (through prayer, meditation, etc.) and this “losing myself” feels like one of them. It feels like I literally become something or someone else- fascinating. It’s like a natural high.

Anyways, I am really excited to go on a new journey with acting and explore “losing myself” more in every way possible.