Brielle
March 15, 2016
Trance
My life the past 6 months has had a dizzying number of ups and downs. I’m not too fond of rollercoasters in general so it has definitely been quite the journey navigating through my life hoping that I’m stepping in the right direction. I’ve had the most amazing things happen, but I’ve also been struggling with mono, chronic bronchitis, ear infections, and sinus infections for the last 4 months, almost 5 months straight.
It has also been a struggle to find the right medical treatments that will help my body heal- hopefully I am on the right path now, but only time will tell. Something super crazy is that the medication I am currently on makes me completely wacky. I can’t function as quickly or as efficiently as I am normally able to, I always feel like my brain is in a fog, and today it really took a toll on my emotions. I’m a gemini and I hate not being able to go-go-go and I hate not being in complete control of myself. However, This whole experience has truly helped me to realize that I may be unstoppable, but I am not invincible, and I really need to slow down sometimes to take care of myself.
Recounting the multiple times the last few months where I have had to power through something despite feeling much less than optimum, I wrote a poem this morning describing what was going through my head and how exactly I felt during these not-so-glamorous moments.
Trance
I can’t feel my feet, my legs are going numb
My hands are shaking, eyes are twitching, what have I become
My skin is melting off, dripping on the floor
Exposed deep underneath my bones I’m longing to explore
My breath is shallowing, my sight blurring too
Receding back behind my eyes, my veins still pumping through
My mind is in a trance, all I can do is dance
Unaware, my body moves, the shapes are vaguely cast
Stomach acid gurgling uneasy feelings creep
I’m sick of backseat driving, but the clutch I cannot reach
My skin so cold and pale, my forehead beats with sweat
I feel the heat leaving my body, fainting to forget
The air is whirring all around so hot so cold, can’t focus now
My mind trails off leaving no trace, can’t concentrate, can’t lose this race
I’m pushing forward, moving on, can’t feel my body, show must go on
No one can tell whats kept inside, my body’s strong, won’t break my stride
Sick to my stomach, tears in my eyes
Ignore decay, pass by the lies
No energy no rest no time
Show must go on, won’t break my stride
Show must go on, won’t break my stride
Show must go on, won’t break my stride
July 20, 2015
If Only They Knew
By Brielle
I’m a traveller of dimensions, ruler of the fog
Succumb to your intentions, you mystify the wrong
I search for the inception of actions ruled by thought
Decipher consequences of minds that time has not
The lampshade dims the lightbulb’s glare
The gates encase the child’s share
Ahold the torch, you pass it not
The door’s the threshold of logic’s wrought
This power’s to be seen only by a few
Possessed by the masses if only they knew
This power’s to be seen only by a few
Possessed by the masses if only they knew
The glass blurs your reflection, distorts what you have known
Newly found perceptions mirrors cannot show
My mask is that of chaos trimmed with lace and stone
There’s freedom without order, ataxia with control
Heavy-handed bodies aim
Fickle memories never gain
Blind to truths ignored with haste
Coerced by creeds already lain
If only they knew, if only they knew
6/28/14
On June 28th, 2014, I had one of those nights where my brain was sprinting a million miles an hour in every direction. Something was in the air that night, something good.
During that Summer, I had gotten into the habit of walking in Hudson Park along the river every single night. Every once in a while I would sit on a bench next to a homeless man sin
ging jazz or next to a couple enjoying the warm sticky breeze and I would write. I would write music, or I would write a bunch of random words. Whatever came out of my brain went into my humidity dampened notebook.
Nights have always been my private time to collect my thoughts and process anything and everything. I used to walk around my hometown at night years ago doing the exact same thing. I would share everything with the trees and the concrete sidewalks that I walked by.
Last Summer I got to share everything with the Hudson River. I always felt like the river liked when I wrote there. It became a part of my stories without me ever having to mention it. I shared my thoughts and ideas, and it would listen and give me advice in return. It was a very peaceful and brief relationship.
The other day, I came across the notes that I took that night on June 28th. I had written about a bridge I used to walk under in my hometown. That bridge had witnessed snapshots of my life and I tried to remember everything that the bridge would remember of me. Every scene that transpired while I walked underneath it. Th
ere weren’t many, but there were some very important ones.
That bridge saw bits of a young romance. It saw two children start to figure out who they were and grow into young adults who thought they knew more than the rest of the world. The bridge also saw the frustration and confusion those two kids felt when they figured out that they actually knew less than the rest of the world. It saw them realize that no one really knows what they are doing and it helped them learn that anyone who seems to have life figured out is a liar.
That’s who I am to that bridge: one of those foolish kids trying to make something out of nothing.
And now, years later, I am a friend of the river. I can’t decide if the river knows the same person that the bridge knew, or if the person I was when I walked under the bridge no longer exists.
Vegetarian Zucchini Lasagna
My love for zucchini is very apparent to those who have spent some time with me. I use it in almost every dish I cook. One my my favorite dishes, which is probably the dish that I make the most often, is Zucchini Lasagna. I recently got a vegetable slicer (I think it’s called a mandoline) which makes slicing the zucchini into long pasta-like strips much easier and less dangerous than risking my thumb and forefinger. And it’s actually really simple and easy to make:
Ingredients
Glass baking dish
4 Small zucchini (or 2 large)
Marinara sauce of your choice (I love using Whole Foods’ Roasted Vegetable sauce because it has chunks of tomatoes and peppers)
Himalayan sea salt
Pepper
Fresh mozzarella
Fresh basil leaves
Directions
Serves 4-6
- Using a mandoline, slice each zucchini, after washing them of course, vertically.
- Lay the slices onto paper towels and sprinkle a little bit of salt on each side to draw the excess liquid out of them. I promise this won’t make them salty. Zucchini has so much water in it that it can end up making the lasagna soupy and not stick together well if this isn’t done. After about 5 minutes, dab the slices with paper towels to soak up the excess water. Repeat as much as you feel is necessary.
- Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
- In the glass baking dish, start by spreading a very thin layer of marinara on the bottom.
- Lay the zucchini slices side by side evenly in one direction on top of the marinara layer to cover the entire bottom of the dish. Make sure the slices are touching, but try not to make them overlap.
- Sprinkle salt and pepper.
- Spread another very thin layer of the marinara on top of the slices. You want to make sure not to put too much marinara between each layer or the lasagna will end up soupy and that is not the desired effect. Unless you like zucchini soup, then put as much marinara as you want!
- Lay a few very thin slices of the fresh mozzarella on top of the marinara layer. Unless you want it to be crazy cheesy, you don’t have to cover every inch. I like to put about three slices per layer.
- Break up or shred the fresh basil and sprinkle a little bit on top.
- Repeat steps 5-8 until the dish is about 3/4 full. I always alternate the direction in which I layer the zucchini and make the first layer vertical, the next layer is horizontal, and so on.
- Place in the center of the oven and bake for 30-40 minutes or until it makes the whole kitchen smell amazing and the mozzarella starts to brown on top.
- Take it out of the oven, let it cool, and enjoy! Yummmmmmm:)
If you want to add ground beef or turkey to the lasagna, sauté the meat in a pan on the stove beforehand with seasonings of your choice and add a layer of meat on top of each zucchini layer.
Let me know what you think!
XOXO,
Brielle
The 2015 Grammy Awards
I spent this past week in Los Angeles to attend the 2015 Grammy Awards! It was my very first Grammys ever and was one of the most exciting nights I have ever had.
The day before, I attended Nick Cannon’s Pre-Grammy Manager’s Brunch and the Nielsen Pre-Grammy Party which were really fun. Bastille performed at the Nielsen party and they were so amazing! Dan Smith’s voice is so good, even better live.
I was so excited to get ready on Sunday morning because I had a crown handmade by Monaltman and I got to wear the Hendricks Gown from the Black Halo Eve Spring 2015 collection and I am so in love with it!❤️ I surprised myself because it is not 
normally a gown I would normally gravitate towards, but it made me feel amazing when I first tried it on and it still made me feel amazing when I wore it Sunday night.
In planning what I was going to wear, I really wanted to incorporate red with the pink dress because I love red and pink together, so I thought about finding a red shoe to go with my dress. We couldn’t find the perfect shoe, so we decided to tie a red velvet ribbon around my ankle instead. It’s a really weird concept, but I loved it and just rolled with it!
The telecast itself was really cool to experience. There were commercial breaks just like there are on TV, but everything is so much more magical and epic when you experience it in person. My favorite performance was ACDC who opened up the show and made almost every other artist seem like child’s play because they know how to perform- they know how to blow everyone away. Not to take anything away from anyone else, ACDC is just awesome. John Legend and Common who closed the night were my second favorite- so beautiful.
It’s actually weird how differently the whole night translates on television. The next morning, I watched some of the performances on YouTube and I formed different opinions about them than I did when watching them live. There is so much more I noticed on TV that I either missed seeing in person- like Kanye’s face when he almost interrupted Beck’s speech and he stormed off stage.
Haha I kind of feel a little honored to have seen that huge Kanye fiasco- it was his firme on Grammys red carpetst time back in six years and the world still had not fully recovered from him jumping on stage when Taylor Swift won Album of the Year instead of Beyoncé. “I’m’a let you finish but…” jokes are cracked all the time and now the whole thing is even crazier! The whole stadium thought he was joking when he jumped on stage after Beck’s name was called, I was dying! But…. yeah. It wasn’t a joke as I clearly saw all over twitter and on TV the next day.
The after party was really cool to experience as well. The official name of it was “Passport To The World” and it “transported [us] through the elegance and glamour of air, sea and land travel during the ’20s and ‘30s” – fancy. Jessie J performed while I ate chicken fingers (yes, chicken fingers!) and mingled, and she obviously was amazing.
Attending the Grammys was definitely a dream come true, but winning a Grammy would be a GINORMOUS dream come true!
January 8, 2015
A New Journey
The first dream I had when I was little of what I wanted to be when I “grew up” was to be a ballerina (I started ballet when I was two). After I was in my first musical when I was four years old, I decided I wanted to be on broadway instead. And soon after, I decided I wanted to be a singer and songwriter. I obviously decided to stick to my dream of being
a singer. I haven’t been in a musical or a play in about six years because I have focused solely on writing and performing my own music, and I miss it.
*Pictured is me as Baby June in “Gypsy” from 2006*
So, I am going to start auditioning for small roles here and there and I have started taking classes again. I had my first group class last night and I am really excited, but I was nervous before going in because I had absolutely no idea what it was going to be like.
It was a little bit scary! You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of complete strangers and it is hard for me to be vulnerable even with people whom I am really close with and trust with my life. It was definitely a challenge. Once I realized that everyone was in the exact same boat, I let all of my reservations go and the presence of the other people didn’t matter anymore.
We did this whole relaxation technique and it was hard for me to relax. I know that I tend to be very calculated with my body movements and it is hard for me to be completely free with my body, but I eventually got the hang of it. I had to just take a leap and go all in (or at least try my best to go all in).
Once I took that leap and jumped off the cliff that held all of my worries, the exercises I
was doing became so much easier- I was free. I can compare it to that moment when I am performing when I completely and totally lose myself. I get so into the moment of whatever song I am performing that I black out. I never remember how well I did or what exactly I did after I finish, I just know I did it. I bare my soul through using my voice and last night I was able to lose myself in a brand new way with acting, it was definitely an interesting feeling.
*Pictured is a photo from a performance in 2012*
There is such an interesting psychology behind that. I have read about how there are tons of different ways we can alter our state of mind without using alcohol or drugs (through prayer, meditation, etc.) and this “losing myself” feels like one of them. It feels like I literally become something or someone else- fascinating. It’s like a natural high.
Anyways, I am really excited to go on a new journey with acting and explore “losing myself” more in every way possible.
January 1, 2015
Happy New Year!
HAPPY 2015!
Last night I got the chance to perform at The Leonora in New York City and I can not think of a better way to ring in the start of a new year full of an unending amount of possibilities than to perform.
I found out that I was booked to perform on Christmas Eve. Although that was like the best Christmas present ever, I really had no time to find an outfit to perform in! Thank God that about a week before Christmas, I had gone to Patricia Field’s in NYC to finish shopping for gifts and I happened to have tried on the most f
abulous red sequined mandarin dress, just for fun. The dress was wayyyyy too short for me (it was more like a long T-shirt), but my mom is a genius and thought of making velvet panels to add to the bottom to match the velvet notch details on the bodice of the dress. The store thankfully still had the dress, so I picked it up when I returned to the city from spending Christmas in my hometown with my family. My mom and I worked together to make the panels and sewed them onto the dress. The result was perfection! I am so unbelievably obsessed with this dress, it couldn’t fit me any better.
On New Year’s Eve, the big night, I had a mini New Year celebration with my amazing friend Nami before heading to the club. We sang and danced to every Pharrell song, so fun, and took crazy photos with our sparkly “2015” glasses and then we ended up heading over to the club around 11pm to get the party started.
The Leonora was packed, I’m assuming past maximum capacity, and everyone was dancing and celebrating. I got to do the countdown to midnight and everyone went crazy! Shortly after the start of 2015, I performed “Avalanche” and “Catch A Star For You” with everyone dancing and it was so much fun. I believe in the superstition that whatever you are doing in the very first seconds of a new year foreshadows the type of year that is to come. Because I was performing, I wholeheartedly believe that 2015 will be a year of performing for me, and nothing could make me happier.
2015 is sure to be an amazing year and I hope for peace, prosperity, happiness, and joy for everyone! I hope that the motivation and positive outlook that everyone has now, at the start of 2015, will only grow stronger and provide for the right mindset for everyone to make this year the best one yet. “Sugar and spice, and everything nice”; Glitter and gold, and sparkles so bold.
XOXO,
Brielle